Exuberant children skip around the glistening lake, running up and jumping off the wharf that sits lonely a top of it. Splashing alongside the lake dogs jump in and out retrieving little sticks that their owners throw in for them, while they lean against the tall trees that guard the lake. The Trees sway from side to side in the cool breeze, just cool enough to make the air tolerable. Once the breeze disappears it leaves you vulnerable to the blistering sun, feeling the aggressive sun scorching your skin. Leaving a redraw aftermath, making the ice cream cone you hold drip slowly down your hand. The roaring of the boats drowns out your ears as they race around the once mirror-like lake, leaving the smell of petrol filling your nose. The smell then is pushed out by the sweet smell of savoury leading you to the township. The overpopulated town bursts at the seams as holiday house owners come back for the summer. At night the town is buzzing with people, as Days turn short and nights turn long. Almost making sleeping impossible, tossing and turning trying to escape the insufferable heat.
Fridged wind brushes past your face as you stand looking out at the sparkling lake. It once blossoming with joy and excitement now sitting so elegantly still. It shimmers just slightly under the gloomy lighting of the sky making the atmosphere dull. Exasperated clouds cover the once blue sky, leaving the sun gasping for air behind them. Rain beats down as if the clouds were crying. Turning Wanaka into a water park. Rain then turns into snow leaving the pointy mountains covered in a smooth thick layer like frosting on a cake. The once abandoned mountains now flourishing with families starting their ski season. Skiers come into the town for the season time making the town bustling, as it overflows with tourists. Shop lights lighting up the town at night leaving the town lit up as if it was a Christmas tree.
4 Comments
Add Yours →Hi Bobbie,
There are some nice pieces of figurative language in here.
However, it feels like a ‘list’ at the moment. Try to craft the sentences together for effect and to ensure they’re complete. You want to avoid it being like you’re standing on the side of the lake simply listing off everything you experience.
Look to avoid repetitive word choices in close succession, Bobbie
The same feedback from yesterday applies, Bobbie
Today’s feedback:
– get correct use of capitals.
– ensure punctuation is used correctly, particularly in the run-on sentences you have in places
– avoid repetitive language choices in close succession
And overall ensure you have captured every moment of the Wanaka scene 🙂